Tag Archives: by me

100 Poems | 100 Days: Day 11

Escaping her homeland, she focused on the future.
One hand holding herself, another holding her son’s.
Leaving. Leaving everything behind.
Her mom, her dad, her sisters, her home.
There is no turning back now.
She just cannot risk it.

She made it to Hong Kong.
and landed in jail.
Separated by single women and men, and women with children.
Separated from her sister.
Alone with her son, she waited.

*will revisit when I feel more inspired..

100 Days | 100 Poems: Day 8

I just can’t handle heartaches
just thinking about it makes my heart jump
and not the good kind either
the feeling that puts you in pain
all you want to do is lay in bed
and let time pass by
by then you just hope that this heartache goes away
but it doesn’t
the more you think about it
you get lightheaded
the more you feel your chest
it gets heated
your heart wants to break open your bones and dive out of your tissues and skin just so you can see your heart in melancholy
and when your heartaches don’t go away
you get heart broken
the kind your mama warned you about
but its not about the boys
its about the things you love and care for

100 Poems | 100 Days: Day 7

Certain poems I rather not revisit but here’s another one.

you left this scar on my body
like a surgeon operating, cutting deep into my skins and tissues
did you not feel that?
that vessel you just popped, carving into my heart that never stopped spilling ink on my pen that never stopped writing about you
but that didn’t stop you
did you not hear that?
the screams coming out from my brain
turn the volume to max, consume the streets with the sounds of unpleasantness and taint the concrete with eerie
but that didn’t stop you
did you not see that?
the open wound from my chest, exposed like an animal at the zoo. still on its habitat and visible to be familiarized
vulnerable and living for the world to watch and scrutinize
but that didn’t stop you
that didn’t stop you from creating this pain
that lingers like the stench of aroma that follows me every where. never leaving because every time it “left” the distinct smell hits and all the feelings com back
like the pain you instantly feel when you listen to that one song that reminds you to something broken
broken like my rib cages, you break pieces off when I think of you
this psychological battle im trying to fight
its not who you are, its what i remember you as
and all i can remember is this feeling
i’m just tired of fighting this feeling
the pain you engraved into me with that knife you cut me with
that healed into this scar.

100 Poems | 100 Days: Day 6

Aaaah, the last few days has been so crazy, I will try to catch up with all the days within the next few days.

A bantu I wrote in 2010

i am the ugly duckling. the kind hearted, soft feathered animal that gets lost while finding its path through the woods.
the determined turtle who finishes the race no matter what the distance is.
whose father left with no return and whose mother’s love for her daughter is not as strong as the love for herself.
i am the groundhog searching for my shadow.

Well fuck, I fell asleep last night. So here’s a late day 5 /:

I fear of being different.
Yet that is the only thing I am searching for.
I will no longer conform to fit in this narrow minded path of being the same
when embracing and accepting differences reveals personable characteristics
it is easier to sit in a room filled with safety nets, similarities that won’t go wrong
but unfamiliarity pushes people to the edge of the building
uneasy, rocky, uncomfortable
but being yourself is beautiful even if it is different
we’re not all the same underneath
we’re individuals
we’re individuals

100 Poems | 100 Days: Day 4

is it cheating if I post a poem I am semi working on awhile ago but never went back to it but I don’t have time to write a new one today ? (: oh well . day 4 😀

still in the works * kinda. .

Plan C

To the 18 year old teenager who dropped out of high school
a baby was coming to life
your plan A was to get an education but you couldn’t take Plan B so what’s left was plan C.
to raise
not knowing what you got yourself in to
didn’t think that THIS could have happened to you
in a night you thought you’ll never forget
turned to a night you might even regret
having a baby this young could never be a choice, so the right thing seems to be marriage in this Vietnamese household
but you love your partner
and love this soon to be child of yours
so you pull your strength together
pull your heart to
take this family to be yours through thick and thin
with nothing but high school credits of classes that taught nothing about protection, pregnancy or diaper changes
you took responsibility of another human being
driving your 1998 red honda civic
working 2 jobs to make sure this baby, will get the chance he needs to survive in this world

Let this little sister tell you I am proud of you
you sacrificed yourself for other people and that’s all I can ever ask of you
you give me hope that, not every man is like our dads
and that one day I will find someone who would sacrifice for a family as much as you do.
that being in your child’s life is worth more than stars in the sky
And even when times are dark and the skies are grey
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
Love you, big brother.

100 Poems | 100 Days: Day 3

Day 3 y’all. I’m trying to be consistent. Note* I like to write spoken word poetry so it’s meant to be read out loud. I am thinking I might record my poems or perform it .. kinda .. to have videos instead of just words. We’ll see.

My name is Nguyen, Dao Cong Han
Family name Nguyen, Given name Han
Legal or Government name Trish
Growing up I loved school but I hated the first day of class
Stepping through the doors of Kindergarten, I highly anticipated a great day
Looking over my shoulders, my peers were crying as their parents left them
Roll call, as the teacher would say
Was my most hated moment
Nervously I pulled my braided pony tail to the front as I waited for my name to be called
Han? Hand? Cong? Hon Kong?
I hear little laughs

It’s Han

This happened every single year throughout elementary school.
What’s worse? Substitute teachers.
It seems like they don’t give a fuck. So they would pronounce it anyway they want.

In middle school, my mom passed her citizenship test.
I was given the opportunity to change my name. So call me Trish.
But little did I know, more Vietnamese students were integrated into our schools
The teachers had to learn our names and I had less trouble with Han

High school
I want to apologize to those I called FOBs.
For people  who don’t know, they stand for “Fresh off the Boats”
Immigrants to the U.S.
They spoke Vietnamese in their circles with little courtesy to “American Culture”
You live in America not in Vietnam so stop being so annoying, were the thoughts going through my head

But now as I look back
What gives me the right to judge people of my color
Why did I hate the fact that, they spoke their native tongue, as I ignored mine
Somewhat, I felt superior because I knew the language of this so called “America”
I was brainwashed thinking the American way was the right way but in reality it was really the white way.
Colonialism at its finest
Society shaped this little girl to think that her name was not good enough
That she should be ashamed of her people, her culture and should embrace hot dogs and hamburgers
Because fish sauce was too strong and the only accepted Vietnamese food is Pho
You never want to be “too Asian” because racial slurs like Chink matters
And if you do anything else wrong you’ll end up in Alexandra Wallace’s video
Derogatory terms and bigotry against this skin that I cannot peel off
By the age of 5, I figured out my shade of yellow before I learned the English colors of my crayon box

Well baby, if you want me, say my name like it’s worth knowing
My name is Nguyen, Dao Cong Han
Family name Nguyen, Given name Han

100 Poems | 100 Days: Day 2

Black has never been so dark.
I never dread wearing black so much.
Black may mean slick, slim, or mysterious but for the past 4 days
It meant no sunshine
it meant pour some rain and thunder over my head
It meant death
It meant you, were gone, forever.
I am trying to think about all the times we spent together.
So many things left unsaid.
Did you know that I am trying to get this painting class, grandpa?
Wanted to channel my inner creative side
But at the same time embrace a little bit of you.
I was thinking about sharing my piece with you.
Wanted to learn how to use the medium of oil paints and work on landscape, just like you.
I wanted to be just like YOU.
But as of right now, I my skies are painted pitched black
Fuck rose color glasses, because shade is all I am getting.
Darken my path. Black out. Lifeless.
Black has never felt so dark.

[Started December 14, 2014 // Semi-Edited February 14, 2014]

100 Poems | 100 Days: Day 1

Thanks to my close friend Mitch, who started 100 Moments, she sparked the idea of doing 100 poems! Since we kinda started at the same time I guess we can keep each other accountable for this commitment! So here it goes 100 poems whether it be stupid, short, or “deep” lego.


We were once completed, you and me down the pavement to perfection
You slipped on my feet and caressed my arch as if you were made for me.
Traced my heels and linger on my toes.
Keeping me warm on winter days
Protected and supported me through my life changing moments, of sneakers.
I slipped you on as if we were infinity and you were my pool
Endlessly peering at the horizon
Searching for sunsets, you were my happy ending.
But fairy tales don’t last forever
Missing sock, you were no where to be found.
Disappeared into the night sky when I needed you the most.
Constantly looking, but we can never pair up
Separation that feels like anxiety
Like a child, you were my home base
I wanted you in proximity but maybe, just maybe, we were never that close.
I guess it makes me feel kind of insecure
But I’ll save the other pair until you find your way home.

Missing Sock by Han