Officially Missing You.

All I hear are rain drops falling on the rooftop. This pain I feel won’t go away. Today, I’m officially missing you.

It’s true. Yesterday I was so irritable and annoyed. I thought it was because of stress from work but that’s not the root of my problem. This is my first year spending thanksgiving without my grandpa. I can remember this day so clearly last year. I was on your bedside just talking about how I was going to graduate and you’re gonna be there. Couple days later, you were gone.

… So now I consume myself with work. Consume myself with plans. Consume myself with people so I don’t feel alone. Cause when I’m alone those thoughts creep back into my mind. Pain. Loss. Grief. Death. Death.

And when I’m gone just carry on don’t mourn. Rejoice everytime you hear the sound of my voice just know that .. I’m looking down on you smiling . And I didn’t feel a thing so baby don’t feel no pain.. Just smile back.

Just smile back

 

edit-

I wrote this on November 14th. I never posted it… but I just want to revisit last Thursday with my family.

Although it was the same routine every year, it’s just not right without you. I came in to say hi to grandma with a little hope that I would see you too. All I saw was the table that replaced your bed…  thats where we talked last year. It’s almost a year. SO crazy. I want to write more but I am not emotionally capable lolll

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