Monthly Archives: April 2014

Humpday Feels

I feel like doing some quick free writing so here it goes.

It’s not that I need you, cause I definitely don’t want you either. Company is a woman’s best friend, specifically me. I want it in the most platonic, friendly ass way possible. Don’t get it twisted when there’s a little bit more affection or attention. A text, a hang out, or a night out is simply a “I rather have my mind on you/ with you than be alone in my thoughts. Read that again. Please tell me you’re smart enough to differentiate between “be alone in my thoughts” and “being alone.” I’ll do what is necessary to preoccupy my thoughts even if those things cloud my judgement of you all.

Just remember, I am more alpha than beta, so I don’t give a fuck about gender roles. I don’t mind trying to get what I want (well not you personally, just your company). But if you take it the wrong way, I rather let it be than waste my time changing your perception. People forget I am just overly friendly … sometimes … I’ll just simply reply to #2 or #3 ..

Then again. I get bored easily. Entertain me at least.

Music Mondaze: GoldLink | starRo| esta. | Joe Kay

Since I am going to The Sound of Tomorrow at The Echoplex this Friday, I thought  I’d post this playlist my friend (S/O to Christian!) made! I am actually new to these Dj’s but I am definitely feeling these remixes. I hope ya’ll enjoy this playlist as much as I do!

[soundcloud url=”https://api.soundcloud.com/playlists/30595956″ params=”color=00cc11&auto_play=true&hide_related=false&show_artwork=true” width=”100%” height=”450″ iframe=”true” /]

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Toast to recognition of each other’s humanity

Today, was one of the best Friday that I have enjoyed, thus far.

1. It’s humbling to be at Manual Arts High School and create a space where there’s dialogue between students. Facilitating conversations about violence, intersectionality, cultural capital, creative consciousness, and more. Opening it up to not just definitions but trying to challenge students to think beyond that just amazes me. I learn so much from our staff and our students. It’s a blessing to be in such a space!

2. Listening to Dr. Dave Stovall speak! I was sitting there like YAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! Great speaker. Thankful for workshops like this that makes me grow more as a person. Learning and understanding social justice topics that matter!

He talked about how we must recognize our humanity and other’s humanity. Recognizing that we are people of color. If we are unable to see the humanity of the people we’re with, then we have nothing left. My interpretation of that is if you don’t recognize me for who I am, you don’t recognize me at all. Don’t say that “I am not Asian enough, or too Asian” because that’s not recognizing who I am. The color of my skin does not change, and neither does yours. Don’t disregard my race or ethnicity because I might not fall into the stereotypical assumptions of yours. And if I do fall heavily into a certain category, that’s not the only thing that I am. There are intersectionality in all of us, and that makes us who we are. Multidimensional people.

He also mentioned that oppressors may make us recognize what we don’t like from “our” kind and say things like you’re included because you’re not like “them.” That creates conflict. No matter how you pull away from your culture, you’re still a part of it. Again, if they don’t recognize other’s humanity than there’s nothing left. Don’t compromise who you are for someone who doesn’t recognize your humanity.

I also love the way he uses Stockholm syndrome in his example. He pretty much said Stockholm syndrome is generating false love for our oppressor and that usually happens in kidnapping.

Moreover, he talked about how people need to create / use collective spaces to heal and not cope. deep ass shit yo. Coping is temporary while healing is longevity. Healing spaces create growth and helps you move forward.

He brought up a quote from Paulo Fredric (I think that’s the name) that Education for Liberation is a painful child birth where we recognize the injustice of the oppressor and freeing the oppression is freeing ourselves. I may butchered some words for a bit but I WAS LIKE WOW.

I also remember something about Love is responsibility. Create spaces where you are loved. Operate and organize in a space of love.

Shit I’m sorry if all of this is a hot mess, it’s just things I took quick notes on and very disorganize. But if ya’ll feel me then ya’ll feel me. ANYWAYS.

He also said white supremacy, patriarchy, and ways of oppression effects people in different ways. Yet those people play out our differences. The want us to believe that we should tolerate people. But instead of tolerating people we should understand the assumption of tolerance. Such that working with someone we hate, that’s tolerance.  .. womp I wish I remember more of what he said about this .. but he continues and said things like think about how practices (white supremacy, patriarchy, hegemony, and etc) impact us. And we must learn in terms of how we have no power and how to create power.

Also how they created terms like  oppression Olympics to have us turn against each other and compare each other to see who struggles more. We cannot be judgmental on how people come to struggle. We all ended up in the same hell.

We should also understand and engage in intentional political projects. And that we must make spaces inclusive and meeting folks where they’re at.

End meetings with criticisms, self criticism, and moving forward from that.

To share, facilitate, and create dialogue with people means to work and support them in their community. Don’t think that you can just come and swoop the place up because you’re from _____ university or so. Remember that university operates within colonial spaces.

So in the end. Remember why and for what are we doing it for, in the work that we do (lol that’s a mouthful)

I JUST NEED TO SAVE THESE NOTES TO REFER TO IN THE FUTURE. HELLA MESSY AND DISORGANIZE CAUSE I WAS TRYING TO LISTEN AT THE SAME TIME. Regardless there is way more information than that, that I’ve received.

Cheers to Thirsty Thursday

The thirst is real. For alcohol at least.

I received some disappointing news today via email. Pretty much I didn’t pass my social psych lab … the only class I needed to graduate UCLA. I should have lisented to my counselors and take the whole quarter off. I wanted to salvage what was left of that class but I guess it wasn’t enough. But I am not as angry as I thought I would be. I am not as sad or disappointed. Well yes I am slightly mixed emotions and all but this is just another lesson for myself. I’ve learned that I shouldn’t take more than I can handle. It was the roughest time of my life (not just quarter) but I was still trying to manage it .. stupid little Han. I was emotionally and psychologically not ready to handle anything yet I still persisted. I feel like at the end of the day I wasted more of my professors time than mine. I didn’t put in the quality of work that I wanted and turned in some bullshit paper. DON’T BULLSHIT THE KING OF BULLSHITTERS haha. As of right now I am kind of content. Failing this class will give me the opprotunity of actually getting an A in the summer to make up for the grade and putting my energy and focus 100% on the class. I was trying to get a C- a passing grade .. obviously that didnt happen but it’s okay. Positive energy , positive vibes, positive results or nah?

Sunrise

I haven’t felt content for awhile. It’s a nice feeling. I am slowly getting back to my routines and it feels wonderful. I feel like myself again. I am not that needy girl that I was during the past 4 months. I either attached myself to whoever or completely distant myself. I was on two different extremes and highly emotional for many reasons but I feel like I have control again. Let’s leave the things that I cannot change and be the driver seat of the things I can.

Every morning is a start of a new page. I choose what goes in it. I guess I’ll leave room for my feelings if I need to. I’m getting a better grasp at handling myself after a breakdown. Losing a loved one is difficult but that won’t stop me from living. (:

another day

It’s been awhile since I’ve talked to you. I wonder how everything is going up there.
I’ve been doing a better job transitioning myself to places without having the constant reminder that you’re no longer here.
But at times when I am alone. I think of you.
a lot

I tried to petition into painting again. But the teacher was such a err so I thought I’ll just purchase materials and start on my own.
I feel like I don’t need a class to learn / practice oil painting.
I’ll find time next week to get materials.

i miss facetiming with you. Or even seeing you in person.
I miss you asking when I am going to graduate and what I am going to do with my life
I miss your voice
As the days go on, I feel like you’re so faint and distant
I want to hear your voice again
I didn’t get to hear you wish me a happy birthday
It’s my first birthday without you. SO many firsts without you…
Sometimes I feel guilty for being too sentimental about these things.. ya know
I wish I can type all of this in Vietnamese because I am really translating all this to English.

did you know the other day anh hai and I got into an argument
he brought up him leaving me.
such a fucking low blow.
I felt like I was buried under dirt
I haven’t talked to him yet
I am not ready to get over something he said just because he was mad

I just want to sit on your bed. and have a conversation.
I miss you.