Monthly Archives: February 2014

100 Poems | 100 Days: Day 3

Day 3 y’all. I’m trying to be consistent. Note* I like to write spoken word poetry so it’s meant to be read out loud. I am thinking I might record my poems or perform it .. kinda .. to have videos instead of just words. We’ll see.

My name is Nguyen, Dao Cong Han
Family name Nguyen, Given name Han
Legal or Government name Trish
Growing up I loved school but I hated the first day of class
Stepping through the doors of Kindergarten, I highly anticipated a great day
Looking over my shoulders, my peers were crying as their parents left them
Roll call, as the teacher would say
Was my most hated moment
Nervously I pulled my braided pony tail to the front as I waited for my name to be called
Han? Hand? Cong? Hon Kong?
I hear little laughs

It’s Han

This happened every single year throughout elementary school.
What’s worse? Substitute teachers.
It seems like they don’t give a fuck. So they would pronounce it anyway they want.

In middle school, my mom passed her citizenship test.
I was given the opportunity to change my name. So call me Trish.
But little did I know, more Vietnamese students were integrated into our schools
The teachers had to learn our names and I had less trouble with Han

High school
I want to apologize to those I called FOBs.
For people  who don’t know, they stand for “Fresh off the Boats”
Immigrants to the U.S.
They spoke Vietnamese in their circles with little courtesy to “American Culture”
You live in America not in Vietnam so stop being so annoying, were the thoughts going through my head

But now as I look back
What gives me the right to judge people of my color
Why did I hate the fact that, they spoke their native tongue, as I ignored mine
Somewhat, I felt superior because I knew the language of this so called “America”
I was brainwashed thinking the American way was the right way but in reality it was really the white way.
Colonialism at its finest
Society shaped this little girl to think that her name was not good enough
That she should be ashamed of her people, her culture and should embrace hot dogs and hamburgers
Because fish sauce was too strong and the only accepted Vietnamese food is Pho
You never want to be “too Asian” because racial slurs like Chink matters
And if you do anything else wrong you’ll end up in Alexandra Wallace’s video
Derogatory terms and bigotry against this skin that I cannot peel off
By the age of 5, I figured out my shade of yellow before I learned the English colors of my crayon box

Well baby, if you want me, say my name like it’s worth knowing
My name is Nguyen, Dao Cong Han
Family name Nguyen, Given name Han

100 Poems | 100 Days: Day 2

Black has never been so dark.
I never dread wearing black so much.
Black may mean slick, slim, or mysterious but for the past 4 days
It meant no sunshine
it meant pour some rain and thunder over my head
It meant death
It meant you, were gone, forever.
I am trying to think about all the times we spent together.
So many things left unsaid.
Did you know that I am trying to get this painting class, grandpa?
Wanted to channel my inner creative side
But at the same time embrace a little bit of you.
I was thinking about sharing my piece with you.
Wanted to learn how to use the medium of oil paints and work on landscape, just like you.
I wanted to be just like YOU.
But as of right now, I my skies are painted pitched black
Fuck rose color glasses, because shade is all I am getting.
Darken my path. Black out. Lifeless.
Black has never felt so dark.

[Started December 14, 2014 // Semi-Edited February 14, 2014]

100 Poems | 100 Days: Day 1

Thanks to my close friend Mitch, who started 100 Moments, she sparked the idea of doing 100 poems! Since we kinda started at the same time I guess we can keep each other accountable for this commitment! So here it goes 100 poems whether it be stupid, short, or “deep” lego.

 

We were once completed, you and me down the pavement to perfection
You slipped on my feet and caressed my arch as if you were made for me.
Traced my heels and linger on my toes.
Keeping me warm on winter days
Protected and supported me through my life changing moments, of sneakers.
I slipped you on as if we were infinity and you were my pool
Endlessly peering at the horizon
Searching for sunsets, you were my happy ending.
But fairy tales don’t last forever
Missing sock, you were no where to be found.
Disappeared into the night sky when I needed you the most.
Constantly looking, but we can never pair up
Separation that feels like anxiety
Like a child, you were my home base
I wanted you in proximity but maybe, just maybe, we were never that close.
I guess it makes me feel kind of insecure
But I’ll save the other pair until you find your way home.

Missing Sock by Han

Toast to almost 23 but not really

I was trying to reflect on my almost 23 years of life [insert my selfie here]. And thought it’d be awesome to express it in a spoken word piece. This is what I have so far …

In a month in a half
I’ll be 23
This is a toast to my Jordan year
And that’s a real shout out to my sneakers
hashtag jk but not jk
this is a toast for being alive
for experiencing a death of a loved one

and then I froze. you’re not here with me.
there are so many firsts that I have to go through without you.
my first christmas without you, my first new years without you, my first tet without you, my first birthday without you.
some days I feel like it is so hard for me to get out of bed,
to want to see sunshine when I know that you’re not here with me
some days I am just on autopilot trying to not feel any sort of emotional recklessness
some days I just feel so overwhelmed with thoughts of you consuming my brain
and some days I am just plain old me
but when I come back to this apartment, I feel so detached and separated from our family
I feel so alone without you

There are people telling me to be more positive.. I feel that every time I take a leap, the world challenges me with rain and thunder. December: ||| , January |||, February | . That’s a total of 7. They say bad things come in 3s .. so I am just waiting for 2 more.

Re-living Xanga …

Just because I was browsing tumblr and I saw VVVV. I remember how I used to answer so many questions through xanga. So a little blast from the past (:

1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.

Since I don’t want to open iTunes, I shuffled on my iphone instead. Songs that popped up: Trey Songz – Inside Interlude, Andre Merritt – Gravity, Ludacris ft Plies – Nasty Girl, The Weekend – Montreal, and Jhevon Paris ft August – Neva Eva. LOL 

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

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