Toast to almost 23 but not really

I was trying to reflect on my almost 23 years of life [insert my selfie here]. And thought it’d be awesome to express it in a spoken word piece. This is what I have so far …

In a month in a half
I’ll be 23
This is a toast to my Jordan year
And that’s a real shout out to my sneakers
hashtag jk but not jk
this is a toast for being alive
for experiencing a death of a loved one

and then I froze. you’re not here with me.
there are so many firsts that I have to go through without you.
my first christmas without you, my first new years without you, my first tet without you, my first birthday without you.
some days I feel like it is so hard for me to get out of bed,
to want to see sunshine when I know that you’re not here with me
some days I am just on autopilot trying to not feel any sort of emotional recklessness
some days I just feel so overwhelmed with thoughts of you consuming my brain
and some days I am just plain old me
but when I come back to this apartment, I feel so detached and separated from our family
I feel so alone without you

There are people telling me to be more positive.. I feel that every time I take a leap, the world challenges me with rain and thunder. December: ||| , January |||, February | . That’s a total of 7. They say bad things come in 3s .. so I am just waiting for 2 more.

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