Monthly Archives: December 2013

I heard death comes in 3s ..

Paul Walker, Nelson Mandela, and my grandpa Nguyen, Nhu Tung. December 7th left a great man. I don’t think people realize how close we were. Again with that word, were.. You were part of my childhood, part of my past, part of my present, and you were supposed to be part of my future. He wasn’t some sort of distant relative where I only visited once or twice a year. I still drive my grandma around when I am back in OC. Yes, I am that grand child. I would do anything for them. They raised me. He was my father figure. No, I don’t give a fuck if he is 94 and he’s old. That doesn’t change the fact that someone important to me left. it has been 3 weeks grandpa and I feel as if you’re slipping away from my memories and dreams. As if you’re no longer real because you’re not physically here. The holidays has been so hard since you’ve left. Nothing feels the same. I miss you so much. I know I haven’t talked about you for awhile or mentioned you but that doesn’t mean I don’t think about you. I feel like you’re one of the reasons I love to be creative and artistic. You are my inspiration. This post is all over the place because that’s how I really feel. I need to find a way to be organized and put together again…

Spoken Word Wednesdays: Shihan

Since this is my first Spoken Word Wednesdays post, I have to dedicate it to Shihan! Shihan is the first spoken word poet that I discovered in high school (somewhere between 2005-2009..)! The first poem I heard from him was “Love Like.” I swear I fell in love with spoken word poetry ever since! I love how it is a way to express your individual experiences and stories without any fucking rules. It is such a powerful and creative way to use words, out loud.

Anyways, Shihan, National Poetry Slam Champion Poet, has been featured on Def Jam, currently hosting Da Poetry Lounge (DPL), and more! I had the privilege to watch him perform at UCLA for The Word on Wednesdays and see him host all the time at DPL. Thank you for being such an inspiration to me!

shihan

Picture of me with Shihan! Excuse my awkwardness and purple uniform.. haha I just got out of my internship from Mattel Children’s Hospital and rushed to see him perform!

Oh and Happy Holidays everyone!

xoxo Han

Throwback .. Monday? : STUSSY X LVRS X THEOPHILUS LONDON LAUNCH PARTY

Throwback joint tonight! Oh yes, Stussy x LVRS x Theophilus London launch party on 08.24.12 was poppin’. Yeah I said it, “POPPIN'” LOL. There was a line formed outside of the store since it was “packed inside.” The man of the night stepped outside and invited ladies to drop in. 21 wristband, check! Food and beverages provided by Pabst Blue Ribbon, Boxed Water, and Dante Fried Chicken. Free BOOZE, WATER, & FOOD (although I only had one in that list and it’s not water or food). I checked out the LVRS x Stussy collection but not that many were left from the capsule collection. What I love most about this collection was the hat. Red LVRS embroidered in front, Stussy in gold on the side, and two gold stars on the other side … clean (best believe I copped). Photo creds to my friend Michelle and thanks for accompanying me at this launch party!

Ps. My favorite song from him is Big Spender ft ASAP Rocky. Lowkey he looks like Dj Jazzy Jeff from back then. haha Enjoy (:

Fat Food Fridays: dineLA

For those who are not native to Los Angeles (and those who are), Restaurant Week aka dineLA is coming soon! Well January 20-31 to be exact!

Los Angeles has one of the most dynamic dining scenes in the country, offering everything from street food to 5-star restaurants. From California cuisine to organic ingredients, food trucks LA’s culinary influence can be felt across the country. Food aficionados can experience the fine dining of Wolfgang Puck, Thomas Keller and Nobu Matsuhisa, as well as a new generation of culinary stars like Kogi BBQ Truck founder Roy Choi, Top Chef champion Michael Voltaggio, and Ricardo Zarate, named Food & Wine’s Best New Chef in America. Global kitchens can be found in culinary neighborhoods across the city, while LA’s beach cities offer some of the best oceanfront dining in Southern California.

Discover LA

Yeah I grabbed that straight from their site. In short, it is the week where a bunch of restaurants around Los Angeles drop their prices $$$! Lunch is $15, $20, or $25 and Dinner is $25, $35, or $45, depending on the restaurant and how they serve their food. Each restaurant is set up differently. Some restaurants have a selected menu, 3 or 5 course meals, and/or AYCE (all you can eat!). So if you feel adventurous, check out their list of “street foods to 5 star restaurants” here.

TIPS: Reservations, reservations, reservations! Plan that shit ahead of time. Include travel time (TRAFFIC X_X) so you will make it there on time. Don’t say I didn’t warn you! Chances are if you are there for dineLA, so are other people. 

fogo-de-chao-churrascariafogo-de-chao-exterior-0

Anyways, being a 3(or 4.. I don’t remember) year loyal fan of dineLA, it is hard for me to stray away from old loves. My favorite go to restaurant is Fogo de Chao Churrascaria. It is a Southern Brazilian Steakhouse, all you can eat restaurant! Their lunch is $25 and dinner is $45 with the same menu. I would catch their lunch if you want to save $20! I remember when they used to offer dessert at the end of your feast during restaurant week but they canceled that for the past year or so. Regardless of dessert, I can never say no to their heavenly sent from above cheese bread! They have 16 cuts of meats, a salad bar, and delicious sides (CHEESE BREAD!!!!) You will feel like you’re a king eating here with swords of meat being offered to you when you want it. YUP. Just flip that circle to green and you will receive!

Since dineLA is bi-annual (beginning of the year and summer), I always make time to come here.. maybe even more than once within that week.. don’t judge. This should definitely be on your list if you are a meat eater! But don’t shy away if you’re not, because I wasn’t, until I met Fogo.

Breakups…

I can’t stop thinking about you. It has been so hard since we’ve separated. I feel as if I need to occupy my time with activities and life of happiness just to forget this feeling. Feelings of sorrow, feelings of sadness, feelings of pain. It hurts. It hurts a lot. It’s like the devil torturing my soul, my heart, my brain, I can’t get rid of him. He lands on my left shoulder, attacking me in hindsight. You were my angel. And now, you are no where to be found. I miss you so much. I want you back in my life. I am trying to rebound you with other people and plans but at night all I can think about is you. This is more than just a relationship. It’s love. True love. The kind where you can’t get over. It may seem like I am talking about a bad breakup over some stupid boy. But no, you’re not stupid. You’re the best I will ever have. And no one can replace you. No one can. It sucks because I wish this was some sort of break up. At least then, I can be like, fuck the world, get over it, and be okay with having someone new. But with you it is different. Tell me how can you replace a family member that means the world to you. This is blood. Even watching comedies, ends with tears.

It’s almost 2 weeks. I sometimes wonder how I am functioning. Sometimes I feel like I am on auto-pilot. Going through routines that seem oh so familiar yet be so distant from it all. I dropped a few things and I know you wouldn’t like that. I stopped coming to my internship. Being around children who are chronically ill.. just not my thing right now grandpa. I stopped coming to my volunteer. Spending my time there feels empty when I am feeling this way. I stopped coming to my other volunteer. I am just not ready to be around children again. I stopped working at one of my jobs. I really can’t put up with large groups of children. The only thing I want to do is sulk. But that’s no way to live, right? I know I shouldn’t use you as an excuse but god dammit, this hurts more than a piercing needle through my skin. At least with something like that I can control and stop it but when something hurts this much how do I deal. I am having such a hard time coping. I know we all have to go through this some time but you left so soon. I wanted to show you my wings when I shine. But as of right now there’s no sun in my sky. Just a dark, gloomy, cold day and night.

I miss you grandpa.

Top R&B / Slow Jams / Whatever the hell you want to listen to about grief and loss

Although I love hip hop and rap, R&B/slowjams are my shit. I was trying to find songs on how I felt and what I was going through .. boy that was hard ): but now I have an official playlist! Enjoy (in no particular order)! Keep in mind that the songs may not exactly be 100% for grief and loss but I have interpreted and relate to it that way.

1. So Lost – Melvin Gutierrez

This was one of the few songs that was in my iTunes (phew), I was really trying to make a playlist of whatever music I had.

 

2. I Miss You – Aaliyah

“Now you’re gone and I’m lost without you here and now. but I know I gotta live and make it somehow”

 

3. It’s So Hard to Say Good-bye to Yesterday – Boyz II Men

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Anyone can give up, it’s the easiest thing to do in the world. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength.

– Unknown

MY 2nd Annual Holiday Party

It is official. I have been volunteering for 1 year and 3 months. Today marks the MY 2nd Annual Holiday Party attendance. Even in all this craziness that has happened to me within the past 5-6 days, I still manage to come here. I honestly need a break from crying too much and driving too much and honestly, just being in my own thoughts way too much.

For those who don’t know, I currently volunteer for a children’s rape treatment center around Los Angeles area and it is the most rewarding and one of the best decision I have made and stuck with (Recapping a lot of what I wrote last year). I have seen clients (sexual abuse victims) from 2 years young and up to 18 years. It’s not that intense but it is … I don’t know the details of anything because my job is to focus on the clients.

gift

“When I first started, I thought I played a small role in this multidisciplinary team we have going on in here. I am just a volunteer, I can’t make that big of difference, boy was I wrong. I realize I am the first person that the client sees and spend the most time with (besides the therapists of course). Although I am not a therapist, forensic psychologist, child advocate, district attorney, LAPD, or the social workers that work there, I can make a difference.  After yesterday, I realize I am part of something bigger. This family that I have been seeing on a weekly basis gave me this gift (photo ^). First of all, for them to think of me as something was already an amazing feeling. I swear, when I received it, my heart melted. I know it is not much but I had this feeling in my heart that made me feel like I had did something right. It is such an indescribable feeling that you just have to experience to know how I truly felt. This feeling, to me, is altruism at its best. I guess what everyone told me during our training was true. We are part of the healing process. ” (December 2012)

So even in the middle of losing my grandpa, seeing everyone today made me so happy. All the clients/kids/family that came up to me to say thank you, I want to THANK YOU for making it all worth it. You honestly don’t know that seeing you all lightens up my heart and my dark situation. You inspire me so much. Even when things are rough, with support, things can get better in time. Plus, I am pretty awesome helping at the cookie decorating booth (; !

The Mourner’s Bill of Rights

I knew I didn’t belong here. I prolonged coming on time. I was not ready to step back in the hospital. I couldn’t avoid it forever so I finally left my car to walk to Mattel children’s hospital. For some damn reason, my supervisor knew what was up. I guess it may be the way I say hi to her every time I see her. I feel like everyone can read me like a damn book or something. Well, I am glad she caught me, and I am glad we talked. I am so blessed to have an understanding supervisor like her. Being in the hospital and being around chronically ill children in the playroom may not be the best thing for me right now. I am very thankful for having someone like you. Anyways, she shared something with me that I think is helpful for anyone who may be going through something like this. It is called the Mourner’s Bill of Rights on a cute card (: but here it goes:

1. You have the right to experience your own unique grief.

2. You have the right to talk about your grief.

3. You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions.

4. You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits.

5. You have the right to experience “grief bursts.”

6. You have the right to make use of ritual.

7. You have the right to embrace your spirituality.

8. You have the right to search for meaning.

9. You have the right to treasure your memories.

10. You have the right to move toward your grief and heal.

What I also learned today. Everyone deals with it differently. It is okay to take breaks because there is nothing wrong with that. There is no need to feel sad 100% of the time. Thank you so much.